The power of parental self-awareness

Parental self-awareness means understanding how you feel and act around your children.

When we become aware of triggers, it’s easier to stay calm in challenging moments. Instead of reacting impulsively, we can take a moment, think, and respond intentionally and in a better way.

Parental self awareness will also allow you to:

• Strengthen your connection with your child

Self-awareness helps us talk to our children in ways that make them feel heard and understood.

• Reduce unnecessary conflict

Many conflicts between parents and children arise from miscommunication. Self-awareness allows us to handle these in a calm(er) and intentional way.

• Break negative generational cycles

When we realise how our own childhood experiences shaped our current beliefs, values and parenting style, we can break the cycle and not repeat it.

• Encourage emotional intelligence in children

When we handle our emotions, think before we act, and talk about our feelings, our children learn to do the same.

In the end, self-awareness helps both parents and children grow in a healthier and happier way.

Some of the biggest challenges include:

• Parenting on autopilot

When you’re tired or stretched too thin, it’s easy to react in the moment instead of pausing to think.

• Repeating patterns from our own childhood

Many of us fall into negative habits we learned as children, and it can be difficult to recognize them.

• Emotional blind spots

These are the triggers we don’t notice in ourselves, like stress from work or worries about the future.

On top of these, societal pressures can make it hard to admit when we’re struggling. Self-awareness starts by accepting that we are not perfect. Parenting is a learning journey where we grow with our children.

Building self-awareness takes practice, but small steps can make a big difference. Here are some ideas to get started:

• Pause before reacting

If you feel triggered, take a deep breath before speaking. You could count to 20. A few seconds can help you shift from reacting on impulse to responding with intention. We have tips to help handle your triggers.

• Really listen

Try to let go of all that is going on in your head and just listen to what your child has to say. Try our tips to build your listening skills.

• Pay attention to your body language and tone of voice

Children are very good at noticing body language and tone.

• Be present when the children are around

Try to focus on one task at a time - Easier said than done! But when we juggle different things at once, we are more likely to react impulsively. Practicing mindfulness can also help when we tend to get lost in our thoughts.

• Reflect on your day

Before bed, take a moment to think about how the day went. What interactions felt positive? Where would you do things differently next time? Writing these down in a journal can also help you spot patterns and triggers over time.

• Be honest

We all get it wrong at times. These moments are a chance to show our children that it is okay to make mistakes and to model how to overcome them.

• Take care of yourself

As parents it's easy to lose sight of our own needs. But to build self-awareness, we need to care for our physical and mental wellbeing first. We have tips for parents to build healthy habits.

• Be kind to yourself

No one gets it right all the time. We are teaching our children to be human!

• Consider professional help

If you feel childhood issues are affecting your capacity to be the parent that you want to be, a counsellor or therapist can help you understand and work through them.