Raising a resilient child 

Resilience is the ability to do well despite challenges in life. It helps us adapt successfully and bounce back from adversity, failure, conflict and disappointment. 

When faced with challenges and difficulties, resilient children still experience anger, grief and pain. But they can function and recover. 

Resilient children also tend to persist in the face of a difficult task, know when to ask for help and are more able to tolerate failure. They can be confident in their own lovability and value too, which helps with good self-esteem.  

Resilience is the result of a complicated interaction between nature, nurture and events. It’s influenced by what the child is born with, what they grow up with, and what happens to them.

As caregivers, we play an important role in promoting resilience in our children. Our instinct is to support and protect, but no-one can escape stress, risks, adversities, and other challenges; they are part of being alive. In fact, a tolerable amount of all those things can help children develop resilience.  

It’s hard to see our children face big challenges. But many will experience things like parental separation, bereavement, bullying and failures. These challenges can affect their mental health and development, but resilient children can do well as they face them.  

The protective factors that build resilience in children are found in everyday life. They are within the child’s own personal resources, their family and the wider community. And they can help a child to meet and overcome challenges.  

Here are some ways we can support the development of resilience:

• Develop a sense of community belonging  

Whenever possible, support your child to build a positive relationship with other important adults in their lives. This can help them develop better friendships and empathy and is linked to higher levels of educational achievement and self-esteem.   

• Model positive relationships

Happy relationships between parents and significant adults lead to better mental and physical health for all involved. Children thrive emotionally when they see and are involved in warm and caring relationships, where they are respected and valued.

• Develop positive routines

It’s good to remember that our mental health relies on physical routines. Try to find a routine that works for your family. One that has consistent and clear boundaries.  

• Help your child develop coping strategies

Coping strategies help us to deal with overwhelming feelings. Encourage your child to find one, or more, that they can turn to. For example, they could try relaxation, exercise, journaling, music, or distraction techniques. 

• Support your child to face specific challenges

Worries about everyday experiences are a good chance to help prepare your child to face future challenges. For instance, you could support them in managing the anxiety about going to a sleepover or presenting their work in assembly. 

• Let your child flex their muscles

It’s so helpful for children to learn that they can do things on their own. Overprotecting them won’t help. Remember that a tolerable amount of stress is actually beneficial.

• Seek external help

Schools can be an important source of resilience for all children, so do team up with your child’s school and access the support they offer.

Some children face multiple, and more serious, Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). These can affect them in adulthood unless they receive professional support. But they can gain understanding and control over the past and overcome significant adversity when they are helped to tell a meaningful story about difficult experiences. They might need specialist support from a mental health professional to do this.