My child is anxious

- If your child seems anxious – for instance, they’re not their usual self - take time to understand what’s going on. You’ll then be in a better place to help them.

Things you can try

Start by letting your child know you’ve noticed a change in their behaviour or mood.

You could say something like - ‘you seem a bit wobbly today, what’s up? I’m wondering if you’re a bit worried about something.’
All children will feel anxious at some point. For instance, it’s ordinary for young children to be afraid of the dark or to worry there’s a monster under the bed.

Starting nursery or school can be a particularly anxious time for children.

Young children often feel anxious when separated from their main carer.

Older children might worry about how they are doing at school, how they look, or their friendships.

Arguments between parents, a recent separation or divorce and parental illness may make your child anxious.

Children’s anxiety may show through their behaviour. For example, they may seem quite frightened or even angry.

Complaining about being unwell can be a sign that your child is anxious.

For some children, avoiding something is a sign that they are anxious. For instance, they may not want to go to school, or to the dentist or to be with certain people.

And sometimes children may feel anxious but not know why.
Encourage your child to tell you how they feel.

Asking - "maybe you’re worried about speaking in assembly today?"
Help your child to find words to express their feelings. For example, wobbly scared, anxious, nervous, unsettled.

Ask them where the feeling is - ‘is it in your tummy, head or heart?’.

Tell them everyone has worries – that they can become too big to handle without help. And that avoiding our worries can make them bigger.

Talk about being brave together and working out small steps to tackle worries.
Teach your child to calm anxious feelings by breathing slowly together, rocking gently, or listening to calming music. You could even try yoga!
Think about what helps your child calm down: rocking, having a warm drink, snuggling up.

You might find two or three activities your child enjoys. Add these to a ‘calm bag’ they can. use when they get anxious. For example, a fidget toy, threading beads, a favourite book.

Try a breathing exercise: put their favourite soft toy on their tummy and ask them to watch it rise and fall as they breathe.
Or your child may feel better after doing something very active, like running or skipping. Or going for a walk.
When we get anxious our bodies get ready to cope with something difficult. This is called the ‘fight or flight’ response.

In ‘fight or flight’, our hearts beat faster, we sweat more, our muscles become tense.

To release these feelings and to feel better, it often helps to do something active.
There are other things you can do to you can help your child cope with situations that make them anxious.

For instance, if they’re anxious about going on a play date, keep the play date short and make sure it’s with a familiar friend.

I wanted to say don’t worry. But I realised the best way for me to help my child was to acknowledge how they were feeling and not to find that frightening. It was good to remind us both that being anxious is normal and going for a walk and using our breath to calm us, helps.
How you cope with anxiety will help your child cope with their own worries and fears.

Taking time to talk about worries with your child, and showing them how to cope, can really help them.

As much as you want to make everything right for your child, don’t be tempted to say – don’t be silly – you don’t need to worry. It’s important not to dismiss your child’s feelings.

Think with your child what might happen if a fear came true and how they would handle it. For instance – say ‘what could you do if you didn’t have anyone to sit with at lunch at school?’
Look after yourself too.

Talk to other adults, you’re not alone and your child’s anxiety can make you anxious too.
Sharing your experience with other parents may help.

Talk to your child’s teacher about how they seem at school.

A GP could help with extra support if your child’s worries are getting in the way of everyday life.
Your child is unique and we hope there are some takeaways here that work for you. If you’re looking for help parenting children with additional needs, you can get specific advice from specialist organisations. Check out our list of support that we can recommend.

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My child is anxious

Things you can try

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Building secure relationships with children

Building listening skills for parents

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My child is anxious

Things you can try

Reassure your child that it’s normal to be anxious

Calming exercises to try to help with anxiety

Why being active can help some children feel less anxious

Your child can learn so much from you

Other adults who can help

How did we do today?

Read more on this topic

Building secure relationships with children

Building listening skills for parents

Understanding shyness in children

Share

Stay up to date with parenting guides and support