My child is stealing

• Stealing is taking something that isn’t yours without asking. It might be food, money or items from your home, other people’s homes or shops.
• It’s your child’s way of dealing with a situation they don’t have the maturity or experience to resolve in another way.
• As parents and carers we can feel responsible and ashamed, but remember it’s always the child or young person’s own choice.
• It can shake our trust in our child, especially if they have stolen from you, we may feel we’ve failed in our job of teaching them not to steal.

• They’re choosing to solve a problem in an inappropriate way. The problem might be something immediate, such as being hungry, or something indirect, such as feeling lonely.
• Children under the age of 6 don’t yet have a sense of right and wrong. They have poor impulse control, and if they want something, they take it.
• Children over the age of 9 often steal to make something else happen, to make a friend by impressing them or even to make amends for something that they’ve done
• Sometimes children or young people want something that someone else has. But they can’t afford one and so they steal it.
• Occasionally children or young people who’ve been treated unfairly want to get their own back. They feel a sense of justice in dealing with the problem by stealing. They want to be mean to someone who has hurt them.

• They may feel too embarrassed to ask for money for something personal, such as a bra, or something they’re not allowed to have at home, such as sweets or games.
• Young children’s brains haven’t developed enough to think about others and may not understand the impact of stealing on others.
• Older children who are not sensitive to others will not realise the impact of their stealing.
• Sometimes it’s about risk-taking and thrill of doing something they know they shouldn’t. It feels fun, and it could relieve boredom and numbing feelings of emptiness.
• Sometimes stealing is a way of indirectly dealing with anger, anxiety or stress. They might be faced with things in their lives that they feel are out of their control, such as a change in their family situation. Stealing is a way of feeling powerful and having mastery and control.
• Children may also steal to deliberately get into trouble and by doing this get contact and attention.
• They may steal to be significant to someone important to them.

• Children who’ve experienced unreliable and untrustworthy adults will find it difficult to see that their needs can be met. They might think they need to steal to meet their needs. Be patient with them as they learn to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions.
• Don't try and hide your child’s stealing. It is not a reflection on you and if you are able to tell someone you trust then you can be supported.
• If your child or young person is stealing, keep temptation levels low by keeping your cash safe until they can learn how to solve their problems more appropriately. Monitor your bank and credit card accounts.
• Whatever consequences result from their stealing, don’t rescue them but do reassure them that you love them. They need to experience the consequences in order to learn not to steal.

• From a young age, focus on teaching them the skills of sharing. Teach them to ask for what they would like to have. And teach them to take turns.
• Praise them when they are honest.
• Model honesty. For example, don’t bring home stationery from work, hand in to the police the £5 that you found on the pavement.
• Make sure they’re aware that you respect their possessions and ensure everyone else in the house does too.

If they are stealing large amounts of money, seek advice from a trusted professional - school staff, a therapist, or Social Worker. It will help you to decide if you need to involve the police.