My child is lying, what does it mean, what should I do?

- Lying is a normal part of child development

Things you can try

Step away and breathe before you respond.

Working out the reason for their lies is more important than telling them off about lying to you.
It’s protection against a telling off or feeling ashamed or embarrassed.

They want to feel special or fit in with their classmates.

To test you - what you know and what you don’t.

They’re protecting someone else’s feelings by telling a kind lie.

They want attention and to impress adults and other children.

It’s a quick fix for an immediate problem.

But if it’s persistent it can be a symptom of a bigger problem.
If they’re lying to feel special or fit in, show that you understand their feelings.

Remind them that they’re great the way they are. You could say ‘I understand why you wanted me to think you got a special award at school/scored 100 goals at football practice. But, it makes no difference to me, I already know how amazing you are.’
When a child is about three years old, they realise people have their own thoughts.

This is an important and positive stage in their social development.

Lying can be a sign they’ve reached that stage.

If a child can lie, they can also work out how to make another person happy.

It’s a normal part of growing up to lie.
If they’re lying to avoid getting into trouble, make it easy for them to own up. And give them lots of praise when they do it.

That way you’re sending a positive message that being honest is brave and good. Show them how to be brave and honest too by owning up and apologising when you get things wrong.
When your child lies to you it’s easy to get cross, to take it personally or feel manipulated

But remember most children, and adults, tell lies from time to time

And children need support to learn that being honest can be difficult, but better in the long run

Lying is a normal part of child development. Our job is to help our children understand that honesty is the bravest choice.
Your child is unique and we hope there are some takeaways here that work for you. If you’re looking for help parenting children with additional needs, you can get specific advice from specialist organisations. Check out our list of support that we can recommend.

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My child is lying, what does it mean, what should I do?

Things you can try

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My child is lying, what does it mean, what should I do?

Things you can try

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Lying is part of a child’s development

Remember, we’ve all been there, you’re not alone

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