My child doesn’t want to go to school

Talk to your child about school

It’s natural for children to not want to go to school from time to time. For example, they might be worried about a test or about a problem with a friend. With a bit of support, most children attend school regularly and don’t avoid it when things get a bit tricky.

However, sometimes children may become so anxious that they start to avoid school all together. When this happens, talk to your child about the things they like and the things they don’t like about school to find out what might be making them anxious.

Acknowledge your child’s distress

Show your child that you know they are finding going to school a real challenge. You might say “I can see that you are really worried about going to school, and that going in will be really hard for you.”

It can be frustrating and stressful when our children don’t want to go to school. Try and manage your own feelings so you can focus on helping your child.

Check our blog on this topic, where Place2Be’s Educational Psychologist, Sarah Sivers reflects on her own experience and work with families in this situation.

If your child is autistic, please see the guidance from the National Autistic Society.

Check in with your child’s school

It’s important to share any concerns your child has told you about as soon as possible. Make sure that your child is safe from harm at school. They could be affected by other children, teachers or simply the school environment.

Help your child to face their fears

It’s important to encourage your child to ‘face their fears’ and to attend school, despite it being the last thing they feel like doing!

This can be tricky for you to do, as well as challenging for them! Be up front. Let them know it might be tough. Reassure them that you believe in them. Tell them you’ll support them to do this difficult thing. You might say “I know going to school is a big worry for you. But I am here and we can be brave and do this together."

Praise and encourage your child for any small steps they take

You could say something like “ I am so proud of how brave you are being, well done!”

Acknowledge your own emotions

It could be that your history or personal circumstances are part of the reason why your child is finding it hard to go to school, and that’s common and normal. It’s important to have an honest conversation with yourself so you can seek support as you try and help your child.

Ask yourself the following:

1. Is your child afraid to leave you because they are worried about you or another family member at home?
2. Are your negative experiences of school making it difficult to be positive with your child about going to school?
3. Do you feel lonely at home when your child is gone?

If the answer is yes to any of these questions, it is important that you get some support for yourself - this could be professionals or friends and family. Check out our list of mental health support that we can recommend.