Help your child manage separations and goodbyes

• New situations, people and places can be scary for many children.
• When children are worried or frightened, they want to stay close to their caregivers.
• It’s completely normal for younger children to feel anxious about separating.
• It’s also good because it keeps them safe as they learn to manage new experiences.

• You can feel anxious when leaving your child. You may worry about whether they will be ok – this is completely normal.
• When your child is incredibly upset, you’re likely to get upset too.
• You may also feel frustrated or embarrassed by their behaviour. Or find it hard to think straight - making it hard to ‘listen’ to what their behaviour is telling you.
• And that can make your child more upset, so things get worse, instead of better.
• It can feel suffocating when your child won’t leave you alone. Or if they want your attention all the time. Sometimes the more you need space the more your child seems to need you.
• And, when you try to leave them at school, or with someone else, it's hard if they’re screaming and clinging to your knees.

• Think about what might be behind their fears, you know them best.
• If they’re shy, try a gentle, step-by-step introduction to new things.
• If something's unsettled them recently - give them lots of time and reassurance.
• Give them some exclusive one to one time every day when you’re not on your phone or busy doing other things. A little time goes a long way towards helping your child feel safe.
• Show them you understand their feelings, say: ‘It’s hard saying goodbye, isn’t it? But I will be back soon, and you can have fun while I am away’.
• Introduce a goodbye routine or ritual, for example a high five or the same number of kisses.
• Give your child something to remind them of you, like a picture of you and the family.
• Calm yourself before a separation. You can then communicate with confidence to your child that they’ll be safe without you. If you’re anxious you can pass that on to your child.
• Manage your own feelings privately. If separating from your child triggers your own issues, speak to a trusted friend, family member or a counsellor.
• Remember, it’s often the moment of parting that’s hardest. And your child will calm down once you’ve gone.

Talk to your GP if your child’s fear of separation starts to get in the way of their everyday life.

Your child is unique and we hope there are some takeaways here that work for you. If you’re looking for help parenting children with additional needs, you can get specific advice from specialist organisations. Check out our list of support that we can recommend.