Creating routines and rituals to help your child

Routines are the simple steps that you and your child can follow to organise your daily life. They include things like mealtimes and bedtimes.
Children understand the concept of routine at an early age. They learn through everyday experiences and doing things with their families. Each family is unique so you can have your own set of routines and rituals, which reflect your identity, culture, and shared values.    

Rituals are often associated with celebrations, traditions, religious observances, and symbolic events. They create opportunities to bond and connect as a family - for example, the way you celebrate birthdays, or take a picture on the first day of school. And they can help hold families together. 

Children are faced with change daily as their bodies and minds are constantly growing and developing. Many children (and adults!) handle change best if it is expected, and when it happens in the context of a familiar routine.

A predictable routine can help your child feel safe and develop a sense of mastery in handling their lives. This sense of mastery is strengthened over time and they then learn how to manage bigger challenges, like moving to a different year group, walking to school on their own, or going to a sleepover.  

Routines provide family members with consistency, trust and stability. And there’s scientific evidence showing that routines contribute to physical and mental health by helping to establish healthy habits and reducing stress levels. For example, having regular routines can help children fall asleep more easily at night.   

With a consistent routine in place, parents are more likely to stick to healthy expectations for everyone in the family, because that’s ‘just how we do things’ in our family.  In this way, children also learn to cooperate. They know what to expect and they learn to do things without constant reminders.  All this can help them feel more competent and independent.

Activities such as brushing teeth, turning off the TV, getting ready for bed to come to dinner are just what happens at specific times each day. Children who feel more in control are less likely to be oppositional and say no to what you ask. As a result, routines can help to eliminate power struggles. 

For more advice on oppositional behaviour see: My Child Says No To Everything.

Some ideas to help you create a routine that works for your family.

• Get everyone in the family involved, including the children. A routine which works well requires everyone’s input.
• Talk about everything that you do daily in your family and make a list. Start with the times people wake, eat, bathe, do homework, complete house chores, sleep, etc.
• Organise the items on the list in order of when you do them each day. Then assign roles to tasks.
• Help everyone to understand the tasks and their roles in the daily routine. Be realistic and allow each member to take up what they can manage.    
• Place the list of your daily routine in a place that everyone can see, for example on the fridge. Or commit it to memory if possible.
• Start practising the routine. Know that mistakes will be part of the learning.
• Remind children of the routine as you go about everyday tasks. Try saying, “We always brush teeth before bed” or, “Reading first, then TV”.
• Allow time to get familiar and keep trying even if you encounter difficulties.

Remember it is ok to be flexible and adapt routines for special occasions! For example, allowing your child to stay up a bit later to go to a family celebration. You know how much change in routine your child can cope with.

Other things to try:

• Build rituals and traditions into family life to nurture connections. This can be as simple as having breakfast together on Sundays!   
• Do things together, the same way, again and again. It helps to establish routines and to form habits and behaviour. 
• Introduce daily rituals like hugging your child goodbye before school and reading stories at bedtime. They can help make separations easier and provide security.