Understanding sexual development to support your child

• The physical connection and emotional attachment that a baby has with their parent forms the foundation for their development of intimacy, love and sex later in their lives.
• Supporting your child to understand their sexuality will give them confidence in who they are without guilt or shame.
• Being comfortable with your child’s sexual development will mean that you can teach them to enjoy who they are and to keep themselves safe.
• Your child will pick up messages from you about sex and sexuality. For example how you feel about nudity is also likely to influence your child’s attitude to their own bodies.
• You’re a reliable source of trustworthy, and age-appropriate information about sex, sexual organs and reproduction.

• Cuddles and kisses are important for your baby to feel safe and loved.
• Right from when they are babies, children are discovering how they experience and feel about their bodies.
• It is normal for them to touch their genitals and for baby boys have erections.
• Many babies and toddlers like being naked.
• At pre-school age children start to be interested in the difference between girls and boys.
• Pre-schoolers can ask questions like ‘where do babies come from’ and ‘why does my brother have a penis and not me’.
• They’re curious about other people's bodies and may want to look and touch other children.

• If you see your pre-school child touching and playing with their genitals, it can be helpful to explain to them that, even though it feels nice, this should only be done in private.
• Pre-school children are old enough to be taught that no-one, not even family members or people they trust, should touch them in a way that feels uncomfortable and that they should say ‘no’.
• If your primary aged child undresses or explores bodies with another child around the same age it is important not to overreact.

• At this stage, their energy is directed into learning and social skills including pregnancy; babies being born and gender.
• Influenced by the media and peers, they may look for information to answer their questions.
• They pick up words and sexual jokes from you and others, often without understanding what they mean.
• They may see animals mating and be interested and have big feelings about this.
• Primary school aged children may enjoy the feelings they get from touching their genitals, and have a sense of who they’re sexually attracted to.
• It is completely normal for small children to be interested in relationships, sex, and sexuality. And remember every child is different, and children develop at their own pace.
• How interested they are in sex and sexuality often depends on what they experience and see.

• They will be experiencing a surge of physical and emotional development.
• They may be excited and/or anxious as their body changes.
• Seeing hair grow in new places, getting their periods or having wet dreams, may be a source of pride for some and scary for others.
• They may be worried that they’re not normal and compare themselves with others in their year group.
• They will be using masturbation as a source of sexual gratification and be learning about their own bodies and preferences.
• At puberty, young people are getting a stronger sense of who they are sexually attracted to.

• Your voice, your words and your facial expressions will influence how your child learns about their sexuality.
• When your child asks a question, respect it no matter how strange or funny it may seem. Be honest and straightforward.
• Find out what your child wants to know and be specific. They may not be ready to hear more.
• If you welcome questions about their bodies and sex while they are young, then your child will be comfortable and confident with sexual feelings.
• And they will know that you are someone they can turn to with their questions in puberty.
• When children ask you about mating animals, answer as calmly and plainly as you can.
• When young children talk about ‘boyfriends’ and ‘girlfriends’ it is important to remember that they don’t necessarily understand what this means in terms of sex.

• Sexual behaviour between young children involving penetration with objects.
• Forcing other children into sexual play, especially younger children.
• Frequent masturbation in front of others.
• Sourcing pornographic material or distributing explicit images of themselves or others.
• Genital injury to themselves or others.
• Preoccupation with sex that interferes with everyday activities.
• Sexual activity with someone of a different age or ability.
• Sexual activity with family members.
• Accepting gifts for sexual behaviour.
• Sexual contact with animals.

• You might find that your child is ready to look at a children’s book on bodies to learn more
• If you feel uncomfortable giving your child affection or have had difficult experiences around sex and sexuality, you may find it helpful to talk this through with a professional.

The NSPCC website provides advice on healthy and unhealthy sexual behaviour in children and teenagers, including what to do if you're worried.