Helping my child feel they belong

Belonging means feeling like you are part of a group, a community, or a place. It is about knowing you have a place where you are accepted and valued. Belonging is a basic human need and crucial for our mental health and wellbeing.

For children, belonging is especially important as it helps them:

• develop emotionally,
• understand who they are,
• feel safe. 

When children feel they belong, they are more willing to try new things, be creative, and make strong friendships.

Belonging vs Fitting in

Sometimes, when children do not feel they belong, they try to “fit in” by changing themselves. This can help them make friends or join groups.

But fitting in is different from belonging. If children have to change who they are or what they believe in, it can hurt their self-esteem and sense of identity.

True belonging allows children to be themselves and feel valued.

Finding a group where we feel we belong is not always easy for children – or for us!

Friendship issues are common in childhood and school years. Watching your child struggle with friendships can be hard. But these experiences are a normal part of growing up and will help them build resilience. We have tips to help your child with friendship problems.

Sometimes, children may feel that their personality or identity is not welcome in a group. This can lower their confidence and sometimes lead them to withdraw or change themselves to fit in.

As parents, we cannot control every friendship or group, but we can give children a strong sense of belonging at home. This will help balance times when they feel left out elsewhere.

A strong sense of belonging at home will give your child the confidence to face the wider world. Here are some tips to get you started:

• Establish a loving, trusting relationship

Simple acts like listening without judgment, sharing smiles, or offering hugs, show children they are valued and safe. Read our tips for building secure relationship with children.

• Show them you know and value them

Celebrate your child's personality and talents. Show them that you are proud of them, no matter what others think.

Cheer on efforts and achievements, no matter how small. This helps them feel confident and valued.

• Be present and available

Find time to connect daily or try to check in regularly to show you are available if they need you.

• Encourage open communication

Make it safe for your child to share thoughts and feelings without fear of being judged. Some parents establish a rule where the child can ask for a moment to share something freely, without getting told off.

We have tips for parents to build listening skills.

• Create family routines and rituals

Create a sense of security and connection through routines and traditions. These can be as simple as making a favourite meal, or having a special way of saying goodbye.

• Celebrate heritage and identity

Help your child connect to their culture, traditions, or roots. This strengthens their sense of self and belonging.

Find out more about the importance of cultural identity for children here.

• Talk to them about belonging

Ask them about what belonging means for them. Talk about the difference with fitting in, and encourage them to share their experiences of inclusion or exclusion.

This art project, developed by Place2Be's Art Room, is a great way to encourage children to explore and talk about their own sense of belonging.

• Show empathy and support when they feel excluded

Show them that you see their worth and understand their feelings. You might say ‘I’m not surprised you feel sad about that. I think I would feel the same if I had been treated like that’. 

You can also help them find groups or clubs where they might feel more “at home.”

• Remember that belonging is a journey

Their sense of belonging will evolve with time and throughout their life.