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Helping your child prepare for Secondary or High School

- Help your child make that huge leap from primary to secondary or high school. Here are some things to that’ll build your child’s confidence, resilience and self-esteem.

Illustration of a child juggling a book, a pencil, a game controller and a banana

Things you can try

Start by understanding why it’s hard, it can really help
Moving from primary to secondary or high school happens to everyone. Some children are ready - they’re excited about going and manage well when they get there. But it can be a huge leap for other children and their families.

Children can find the transition hard if they’ve learning needs, mental health or behaviour problems. It can also be challenging for those who regularly change where they live, children in care and those who often feel anxious. Some children struggle because of relationships with school staff and their peers or because they’ve been bullied.

And all this is happening when other changes are going on in their brains and bodies as they become teenagers.

Puberty is a tricky time for parents as well as children. Children want to be independent and grown up but still need you close by and paying attention.

Some children find transition so hard that they don’t want to go to school.
Reassure them it’s normal to feel excited and scared and nerves help us prepare for challenges

Remind them it may take time for them to feel settled and they might get things wrong as they get used to a new situation, and that’s OK!
Saying goodbye to the school they’re used to, as well as the teachers and friends, can make children sad and anxious.

Becoming the youngest children in a new school after being the oldest in a school they’re used to.

They may have heard rumours about bad behaviour and scary groups of bigger children at the new school.

Fitting in with new friendship groups at the new school, getting used to new peer-group language and wanting to be accepted, all require a lot of emotional energy and adjustment.
Talk to them about how they coped with changes and transitions in the past

Remind them that not everything is going to change – some routines will stay the same – and plan ahead.
Practice the journey to school before their first day. Many children start travelling to school by themselves, possibly on public transport.

Help them learn to keep safe and give them tips on how not to get lost.

Visit their new school before they start. It can be challenging for your child to find their way around. Check if the new school organises familiarisation days.
Consider other things they may be worried about before they start their new school
You may both worry about uniform rules (official and unofficial), doing homework, what to take, how lunchtime is organised, and when they can go to the toilet.

You may also both worry about expectations about academic performance at Secondary or High School, with tests and exams.

Children are often put into ability groups. This can be hard if they are not with their friends or they are expected to work alongside others who are struggling.
Once your child starts secondary or high school, be understanding of the strain that changing school brings

Try talking to your child regularly about it.
When you’re doing everyday things, like cooking or driving somewhere, is a good time to check in with your child, when they don’t feel pressured.

Be around and available as much as you can but give them space as well…that’s a tough balance to strike.

Or you could create new rituals and opportunities for you to connect. For instance, a Friday afternoon trip to the coffee shop or during family breakfast on Sunday.
Listen out for how they’re getting on making new friends and how they feel about their peer group

Check that all’s well on social media. Encourage your child to develop new friendships, for instance support them meeting friends outside of school.
Be interested in and involved with the school so you know what they expect and what it is like for your child. For instance, read all the communications you get from school.

Encourage your child to ask for help, when they need it, from teachers they trust. Tell them about support lines, like SHOUT a free, confidential 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone who is struggling to cope. It’s something they can access for themselves.

Looking at their timetable and the homework set will help you know what is expected. Then you can think with them about what support they need from you.

If your child has needs that school would benefit from knowing, arrange to speak to their Head of Year.

Look for things that are going well and encourage your child. Don’t expect them to get everything all at once. Trust that they will grow and get used to the change.

If you continue to be worried, talk to the school and work with them to support your child.
Prepare yourself (as a parent). It’s okay to be worried too
It can feel hard to let your child go into an environment that you don’t know well and that you have less control over.

Children can often pick up this feeling of anxiety from you so try to find ways to manage that. For instance, talking to other parents and relaxation techniques. Looking after yourself will help you be there for your child.

You are not alone: the first years of secondary or high school can be difficult for families. Young people may explore their identity by trying new things, taking risks, breaking rules and putting their friends first. Talk to someone you trust about how you feel.

Remember that your child still needs you and relies on you, and boundaries are needed to keep them safe.
Your child is unique and we hope there are some takeaways here that work for you. If you’re looking for help parenting children with additional needs, you can get specific advice from specialist organisations. Check out our list of support that we can recommend.

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Helping your child prepare for Secondary or High School

Things you can try

How did we do today?

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Helping your child prepare for Secondary or High School

Things you can try

.css-phxkps{display:-webkit-box;display:-webkit-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;text-align:left;}.css-hovfr5{margin-left:16px;min-width:0;}.css-5ztn3m{color:#5e3f67;line-height:1.2;-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;}Why some children find transition hard

What your child will be worrying about when they move to secondary or high school

Planning ahead activities

Other concerns you may share with your child before the move to secondary or high school

Good times to check in with your child on how they’re doing

Other ways you can help your child

Why it’s hard for parents

How did we do today?

Read more on this topic

Help your child manage separations and goodbyes

Building listening skills for parents

Connecting with my teenager

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